* Dolito *

Her ability is a gift to all people and animals

pets talk: Don’t Make Me Laugh

on November 7, 2011

For the purpose to help stray animals, we hold charitable activities monthly, in which pet owners donate money to help the homeless animals, and spend a weekend playing with their pets; the point is we invite Miss Dolito to interpret their pets’ words as feedback. Before sharing this case, I got to introduce the pets like this or it’s gonna be a little confusing:

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Honey(transliteration of  哈尼): Maltese

 

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NiuNiu(transliteration of  妞妞): Maltese bitch, Honey’s wife. NiuNiu’s Dad(owner) is the boyfriend of Honey’s Mom(owner).

 

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Onlai(transliteration of 旺來): Chihuahua bitch, the pet of NiuNiu’s Grandma (Of course Onlai calls her Mom.)

 

Alright, then I’ll start sharing their talk! 🙂

Honey looked at NiuNiu and said, “We’re a couple; we have a strong relationship.” Honey’s Mom nodded, but she told us that Honey had Cryptorchidism and the doctors didn’t think he could have babies, so she planned to neuter Honey. However, Honey thought he could, and he just didn’t give a shit what the doctors said. “I don’t want to get neutered! I want to have my own child!” Honey said.

“We still have other dogs at home. They didn’t come.” Honey changed subject. Honey’s Mom said to us that there were some Formosan Mountain Dogs at her home, but it would be difficult for her to bring them all, and so she just took the smallest one (Honey).

We thought Honey might talk more about those Formosans, but he went on to another subject. Seemed that Honey was a little casual. Honey said to NiuNiu’s Dad, “You’re mean. You sometimes beat me. You have to change; don’t ever beat me again! You hear me?” NiuNiu’s Das kept quiet, not responding to Honey’s request.

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Among the 3 dogs, the oldest one, Onlai, spoke. “I’m well-behaved.” Then Onlai said to Honey’s Mom, “I’m not your pet,” and then to all of us, “I don’t like Honey and NiuNiu much; they are too naughty.”

Here’s another FAQ: can I ask my pets questions or do I only listen to what they want to say? The answer is: of course you can ask questions, but only after your pets start to talk. And one more note: they may not answer your question if they don’t want to answer it.

Onlai’s Mom told us that she met Onlai on the street; Onlai was stray. The Mom wanted to know why Onlai had been homeless . How could one abandon such pretty and well-behaved dog? “I was thrown out when I lose the value in use.” Value in use? It sounded like Onlai was not thrown away from a family, but a puppy mill or something. This reminded Onlai’s Mom of the fact that there were many traces of surgery on Onlai’s belly, her guess was that Onlai was used for breeding, and when her body was kaput, she was thrown out. Thank God Onlai met a nice person; she finally had a warm family. “I was lucky to be found by you.” Onlai said to her Mom and Brother(NiuNiu’s Dad).

Onlai said to her Mom, “You’re a straight shooter, but very kindhearted. Sometimes what you say isn’t really what you mean. Sometimes you say bad things while your heart’s in the right place.”

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Here was Honey again. Honey jumped to the bed where NiuNiu and her Dad were lying. Honey said to NiuNiu’s Dad, “You prefer NiuNiu. It’s not fair! You like girls but dislike boys. I knew it!” NiuNiu’s Dad didn’t know what to say… wasn’t it normal to prefer his own pet other than his girlfriend’s pet? He thought.

But wait, why did Honey keep talking to NiuNiu’s Dad, and ignored his Mom? Honey’s Mom asked a lot of questions, hoping Honey could answer her, but only got this reply: “You’re noisy.” “What?” Honey’s Mom said. “And mean.” Honey added. Honey’s Mom was confused. Why did Honey only talk about the bad side when referring to her? Did Honey love her? Honey said to his Mom, “I love you, but you can be mean sometimes, and loud; I ain’t deaf!”

We looked at NiuNiu, who hadn’t spoken so far. She saw us looking at her, and finally said something. “You do the trimming for me.” NiuNiu said to Honey’s Mom. “You do it well and diligently.” We were not sure if NiuNiu had completed her sentence, but Honey cut in. “It looks awful. Looks like she was bitten by other dogs. But you can save money by doing this, so it’s OK. You got to save some money, you’re a shopaholic.” Honey said to his Mom.

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“Honey is gluttonous, the food we have is never enough for him.” NiuNiu said.

Honey’s Mom asked, did Honey want to stay at Yilan, their howntown, or did he want to live with Mom in Taipei? “It’s more fun to stay with more people in Yilan.” Honey’s Mom thought he would choose Taipei, so she asked, “Won’t you miss me?” “You’ll have holidays, and you’ll come back. It’s totally OK with me.” Honey said.

Another question for Honey: would it also be OK to get you neutered? “Nuts!” Honey said. Honey’s Mom was speechless for a second, then she turned around to ask NiuNiu, “Would you let me trim the fur round your face and ears?” Honey answer instead, “You can trim mine!” At the moment, Onlai’s Mom also asked Onlai if she wanted some trimming? “She hardly has any fur to trim!” Honey said, not letting others talk.

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Honey’s Mom kept asking questions.

Did Honey want to go to Taipei to see the other pet dogs of Mom’s family? “I’ll consider it.” Honey said; sounded like he would never think about it.

Did Honey know that Grandma was going abroad? “None of my business.” Honey replied. (we laughed really hard in the background)

Could Honey also learn some tricks such as the act of begging? “That’s childish.” Honey said. “But you do handshake, that’s also a trick!” “You made me do so.” The truth is, if there was food in Mom’s hand, Honey would do handshake desperately!

Did Honey want to go to pet school? “Don’t make me laugh! Save some money!”

Did Honey think that Mom can attend the qualification exam for per groomer? Honey answered this one like this: “Ha ha ha ha……”

Would Honey miss Mom if they didn’t live together? “Yes I will. . . you’re being annoying!” Honey’s Mom once again turned and told NiuNiu to say something, but Honey said, “We’re so annoyed!”

Onlai smiled. Onlai’s Mom asked if she felt happy here? “Very!” Onlai said. “She’ll be happier if you give her a few cans of Cesar(a brand of dog food).” Honey cut in. Honey’s Mom immediately took out some Cesar cans from her bag; and Honey immediately did a lot of handshakes with his Mom, he was just adorable! Honey’s Mom said, “Talk more and I’ll give you this.” Honey didn’t stop the handshakes, but said at the meantime, “I’ve already say soooo much!!” Well, that’s true. So Honey finally got his food can.

Finally, Honey talked about his Uncle, “His job is insecure. I feel worried about him. He changes jobs too often, and he’s too lazy. He’ll be damned if he doesn’t improve himself.” Not done yet. There was more. “He smokes. He’ll get cancer, you got to tell him to quit it! He also drinks. He’s so beyond help!”

September 17, 2011

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10 responses to “pets talk: Don’t Make Me Laugh

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